


Moments

by darkfaerie



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Post queen of nothing, Queen of nothing - Freeform, SO MUCH FLUFF, Smut, the cruel prince - Freeform, the wicked king
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:33:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21591340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkfaerie/pseuds/darkfaerie
Summary: A collection of moments between Jude and Cardan after Queen of Nothing. Each chapter will be a different moment.
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar
Comments: 35
Kudos: 332





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I binged the folk of the air series in three days and now I am fucking obsessed with Cardan and Jude so I’m writing this. Please enjoy!

Their moments alone together are too fleeting for Jude’s liking. Managing a kingdom takes up almost every waking moment. The moments they do get alone together are precious.

Jude has started seeing elements of herself in Cardan’s chambers—no, their chambers. A knife left on the table. Her under garments strewn haphazardly around the room. It’s comforting to finally have a room that feels like her own. 

It’s one of their rare moments alone. Jude is tired after a day of negotiating with lower courts, but she doesn’t want to sleep yet. She can’t sleep when Cardan is leaning against their window, his shirt undone so the golden morning light is shaping the muscle over his stomach. Jude is taking in every inch of him, from his raven hair that still has the indent of the crown in it, to his rolled up pants that show his part feet. 

“Are you enjoying your view?”

Of course he feels Jude’s gaze on him. He always feels her.

“No, actually, you’re blocking the sun and mere mortals like me need it to survive.” Despite having been married to Cardan for months, Jude still feels her cheeks flush at having been caught staring.

Cardan slinks toward their bed like he’s approaching his prey. His dark eyes are locked on hers, paralyzing her in place. (Not that she’s exactly fighting it.)

He ends his prowl when his forearms are pressed to the bed at her sides, and his knees are against her hips. Jude stares at her husband’s face hovering over hers. He’s so beautiful, it causes Jude’s breath to hitch in her chest. Surrounding his head is the ivy that criss crosses over their four banastered bed. The green leaves decorate him like he has a halo. If anyone told Jude that Cardan was an angel she’d have no choice but to believe them. Sometimes she wonders herself. Knowing their history, he’d definitely be the angel that fell from heaven. No other angel could be so dangerously gorgeous. 

“My queen,” Cardan whispers before forcefully pressing his mouth against hers. 

Jude revels in the feeling. His lips are impossibly soft but strong. They move with hers like the world depends on this feeling. Jude’s world does depend on this feeling. Every inch of her body feels on fire for Cardan. 

“Tell me you love me,” Cardan mumbles in between their almost desperate kissing.

“I don’t take orders from you,” Jude fires back, her ingrained need to fight with him coming to her surface. 

Cardan’s hand slides down the side of her body, stopping right over where her legs come together. It’s an extremely evil tease.

“Tell me you hate me,” he demands instead.

Everything inside Jude is becoming undone. She hates that he has this effect on her. She hates it so she says, “I hate you.” She is so thankful for her ability to lie. Even though her body and mind beg to hate him, she knows it would be impossible. 

A smile lights up on Cardan’s perfectly carved face. He can’t lie so he responds, “I love you too,” which means precisely the same thing to them.

Cardan’s eyes are closed, his long lashes contrasting stunningly with his porcelain skin. Jude brings a hand up to cup the side of his face. Her thumb brushes along his arched cheekbones. There’s still a smearing of silver across it from the day’s activities. 

The moment has shifted between them, the steam seeming to have dissipated from Cardan. Jude isn’t really sure why. 

“What’s wrong?” Jude keeps her voice level, trying not to let her worry seep in. She doesn’t  _ think _ she said anything that could’ve caused this mood shift.

He rolls off of her, but then curls into Jude’s side so his head is resting on her chest. This is unusual behavior for him, but Jude doesn’t say anything else. 

Cardan catches Jude’s hand, then places it so it rests against his cheek. “How did you get this?” he whispers so quietly that Jude struggles to hear him.

At first she’s unsure what he’s talking about, until she feels his finger stroking the scar on the back of her hand. It’s harsh and ugly and makes Jude feel like crying. In a world full of flawless beings, Jude is constantly reminded of her imperfections. Cardan doesn’t sound critical though. Just curious.

“It’s from Dain,” Jude lets slip from her mouth. Part of her is surprised they’ve never discussed this before, but they’ve not had that kind of time since their kingdom’s stitching back together. Although she’s not looking at Cardan’s eyes, she can feel him watching her. “After he put the geas on me, I proved my faithfulness by stabbing myself. No glamour needed.” It hurt to talk about. That time was so long ago, but Jude remembers how powerless she felt. It was one of the countless reasons she vowed to never let herself become so powerless again. 

Cardan’s lips move to the harsh red that occupies her palm. It sends a shiver through her body. Jude is positive that by now, Cardan has kissed most of her body, but this deliberate action that he performs feels like the most intimate thing she’s ever experienced. She isn’t sure what he’s trying to do, but whatever it is makes Jude feel overwhelmed with anxiety. 

His hand slides from hers down to her thigh, lifting her dress up to reveal skin. Jude doesn’t have to look to know that he is tracing the scar on her leg. She isn’t sure what his motive is for all this questioning, but she doesn’t try to stop him. No amount of makeup and charm in the world could hide the scars that litter her body. Each symbolize the most important moments in Jude’s life thus far.

“And this one?” Cardan questions.

The thing about this scar is that she’s almost positive she never told Cardan the real story behind it. It never came up, but Jude is sure it will anger her husband. She sucks in a breath before she attempts to explain.

“It’s from… Locke.” Jude’s eyes flick to Cardan’s, but their darkness makes it impossible to tell what he is thinking. His hand doesn’t stop stroking her thigh. “The night before his wedding, his bachelor party attacked me in the woods. I was outnumbered, and I was pretty sure I would die. Guess they just wanted to scare me.”

He moves his mouth to her scar, extremely gentle, but Jude can feel the tension in his body. Every visible muscle is clenched. Another shiver is sent through her body as Cardan presses delicate kisses along the ugly scar. 

Before he can even ask, Jude unties the front of her dress to reveal probably her worst scar, right above her navel. She swears it’s an eye placed there by Madoc to watch her, even though she knows that’s a ridiculous notion.

Cardan knows what this one is, but Jude tells him again anyway. She keeps her voice as steady as possible. “My father… Madoc almost killed me. Had I not been married to you I would surely be dead.” This time when Cardan kisses this one, it feels like the earth is healing her all over again. Whatever magic Cardan holds over their realm is being transferred to her in the tiny moment that he presses his delicate lips to her skin. She pictures flowers sprouting from her skin. Vines entangling themselves in her hair. It’s such a wondrous feeling that any negative thoughts about her body or past have vanished from her mind.

When their eyes meet, Cardan’s chin is resting below her breasts, and his black eyes are hidden by his gorgeous lashes. Jude nods ever so slightly, but she’s not exactly sure what she’s saying yes to. Anything Cardan wishes.

His hands move to her shoulders to slide the rest of her dress off. The only thing that still separates their skin is Cardan’s own clothing. Jude isn’t too sure how to change this fact when Cardan’s body is pinning her to their mattress. 

“I have never been so terrified by, yet so terrified for someone in my life. Jude Duarte, you scare me like nothing else in this world. Part of that is because I know you could kill me at any moment of your choosing, but part of it is because… I know I would let you.” Cardan is still looking up at her, his gaze never swaying a moment.

Jude feels frozen. It’s not like he hasn’t spoken like this to her before, but this time Jude feels consumed by his voice. She suddenly wishes that she was incapable of lying so that Cardan would understand how honest she is being. “Your brother told me that being in love feels much like being afraid, which is why I think I’ve been so frightened of you all these years.” Jude knows little about the mortal world in which she’s from, but it almost feels as if this is how wedding vows would go. “I love you, Cardan, my husband, my king.” Jude hates how vulnerable she’s feeling during their exchange, but she’s desperate to let Cardan know what he does to her. “Now, please unclothe yourself. Your queen commands it.”

Faster than Jude can process, Cardan swiftly pulls off his remaining clothing then presses his entire body onto hers. Jude still feels like it’s not enough. Jude is on fire, and Cardan is her storm but right now he’s just a drizzle. She needs  _ more _ . 

It seems like forever before Cardan’s fingers have found their way in between Jude’s thighs. It’s nothing at all, but it’s enough for her back to arch at the sensation. Falling helpless isn’t Jude’s speciality. No matter how much Cardan can pull at her heart strings, she forces herself to fight back.

She pulls his hand away from her lower half and places one of his fingers in her mouth. Her lips circle it slowly and move up and down. This unravels Cardan, and any upperhand he had moments ago is gone. He is putty in her hands. She uses this to change position so that now she is straddling him. Jude is pressing herself into his pelvis, enjoying the reaction it brings out of him at how close she is. 

“How beautiful you are when you are groveling beneath me,” Jude implores casually. In reality, she is probably just as unraveled as he is. Every part of herself is screaming to just get on with it. 

“I am always beautiful,” he quips back, but she can tell the passion is elsewhere. His voice does not hold heat. This brings a smirk to her face, when usually he is the one with the devilish expressions.

Jude wraps a soft hand around Cardan’s length, relishing in the expression that crosses his face. A groan leaves her husband’s crescent shaped lips. “Patience, my darling,” she drawls, the sweetest torture dripping from every word. It’s scary how much she likes this power.

It seems Cardan enjoys being told what to do as well because his eyes roll back, and the sweetest moan comes from his mouth. It’s affecting Jude just as much as it’s affecting Cardan, she’s just better at hiding it. One of the many advantages of being human.

Jude wants to use this power she has over him, so while she is delicately moving her hand up and down around him, she says, “Tell me how I make you feel.”

Cardan can barely form words with the state he’s in, but he manages to get out some things that are barely more than puffs of air. “You make me… you make me feel like I’m dying but also never been so alive. I would choose this over thousands of years of life.”

The honesty in that statement almost makes Jude stop, but she forces herself to continue her movements. 

With all the heat she can muster, she replies, “Let’s make this worth a thousand years then.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happy couple still has unhappy moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy!!! I describe Jude's dress in the chapter but I also attempted to draw it so here's a link to that https://imgur.com/a/YJ21O42

Tonight is a big event. It’s been a year since Cardan and Jude had been coronated together. A year of officially ruling Elfhame, so of course there would be celebration. The biggest celebration they had had all year. Jude isn’t too excited about this, but she goes along with it like what is expected of her.

It’s a rare occasion where Jude is getting ready in her own private chambers. Most of the time she’s made beautiful in the room she shares with Cardan. 

She lets Tatterfell and a few other handmaiden fae help her into one of the most exquisite gowns she’s ever seen. Which is saying something considering Faerie  _ loves _ lavish clothing.

The top half of the dress is skin tight and has sleeves that go to her wrists. It’s cut in a deep V shape almost to her scar on her stomach. Her all too human breasts feel suffocated, but she doesn’t let a single complaint come out. The material is a sheer white with silver lines almost like a spiderweb decorating her bodice. The bottom half of her dress flares from her middle in three layers, each resembling enormous flower petals, white at the top then fading to a dark blue. Even for a human, she knows she looks magnificent. 

Tatterfell has arranged her hair into a tight braid that crowns her entire head, but she didn’t stop there. Her crown that had been made specifically for her has been braided onto her head. To take it off, someone would have to undo her braid or cut it off. 

Her handmaidens paint her face with lines of silver under her eyes and across her lips and even along her exposed chest and collarbones. In the moonlight she knows she will glow. Other silver pieces of jewelry are added to her ears and hands. The finishing touch is Nightfell strapped at her hip in a silver holster to match her dress. 

“Now, you look like a queen,” Tatterfell clucks, appreciating her own work. 

Jude rolls her eyes, but she knows Tatterfell is right. She’s a silver queen. She tries to take a deep breath, but her dress is so tight all she manages is a shallow one, which does nothing to cause the nerves in her bones.

It’ll be the first time she’ll be so many of the other courts at once, and being around that many powerful fae is never a good idea for a mortal. 

A few minutes later, Jude is being escorted by her team of knights to the brugh. She makes sure she keeps her stance tall and shoulders back to look as queenly as possible. After a year, she’s gotten quite good at it. For a human. 

The doors open for her, and she can feel everyone’s eyes in the crowd on her. She’s definitely more confident than she was last year when she enters the room to walk towards her husband who already sits at his throne in front of the room. The crowd parts for her like an ocean. It makes Jude feel powerful. 

When she reaches her throne beside Cardan, she nods slightly and the music starts playing again. Lutes and song fill the room as well as faerie cheers as everyone starts dancing again.

“What a site you are,” Cardan says to her once she’s sitting. 

Jude gives Cardan a quick smile that she only reserves for him. After all the uncertainty her life has held thus far, he has definitely been the most constant. Her rock. 

“A bad one?” she teases. She lets her gaze sift over him, constantly enamored at the fact that he can look more beautiful every time she sees him. 

Cardan is dressed in complement to her. His jacket is a midnight blue, but the lapels and collar are dotted in silver leaves. Underneath is a flowy shirt that is sheer but looks like a star covered sky. His crown is crooked on his inky black hair in typical Cardan fashion. 

Jude has to hold herself back from wrapping her finger around a curl near Cardan’s pointed ear. It wouldn’t do to look so infatuated in front of this crowd. She saves her feelings for their private moments. 

“Never a bad one.” Her husband takes one of her hands and presses his lips gently to her knuckles. “If I could write songs they’d all be about you.”

Jude hopes that the silver paint on her face covers the blush she knows has crept onto her cheeks. “Then it’s a good thing you can’t write songs.”

Cardan gives Jude his infamous smirk, then turns back to their subjects. Couples are spinning around the floor, dancing with all the happiness in the world. Some hold drinks while others are sneakily stealing another’s partner. Soon Jude will be expected to make a speech with her husband, but for now she’s content to just sit.

That is until Cardan breaks their silence with, “What do I have to do to get you to dance with me?”

Jude’s heart does something weird in her chest at being able to be close to Cardan again. It’s quite pathetic, but after spending all day apart Jude feels as if she  _ needs _ to be close to him. 

Her response is a hand that she holds out so that he may lead her to the other dancers. His slender fingers grip her waist and hold her hand like she might disappear. She holds on just as tight. 

“How long do you think we’ll be expected to stay tonight?” Jude ponders, trying not to sound as if she is too eager to leave. Social functions were never her specialty. 

Cardan spins Jude out to the music but then pulls her back into him just as quickly so that their noses almost touch. “You are the queen, my love, we leave whenever you want.”

Recently, Cardan has been trying the nickname “my love” for Jude and it seems to be sticking. Not that Jude minds. “I suppose we must be polite and entertain our guests for a bit.” Over Cardan’s shoulder Jude spots Lord Roiben’s eye, which is slightly unnerving because of the look he gives her. 

Before she can come up with a reason to busy herself with something else, Roiben starts over towards them, an easy smile on his angular face. He’s been one of the few fae that have never been outwardly hostile towards her, but she’s learned the hard way many times that they can never be trusted. 

“Ah! My king and queen! It’s been too long,” Roiben gushes when he reaches Cardan and Jude. He shakes Cardan’s hand and kisses Jude’s knuckles. His silver eyes are only slightly disconcerting. Or maybe very.

Jude swallows her anxiety and attempts to look easy going and confident. “My lord, it has been some months now. I assume the Court of Termites is fairing well?” She already knows that they’re doing well. It’s her job to know how her kingdom is doing. 

“We are, we are,” Roiben assures. He’s mostly dealt with Jude for all their alliances, which is why it’s surprising when he fixes his gaze on Cardan. “Your majesty, I must say it’s still so glad to see you not a slave to some harness. That would’ve been quite embarrassing for your people to see.”

Jude understands the game he is playing now. Few in Elfhame knew exactly what the gold harness would’ve done if attached to Cardan, which is why she’d never bothered completely explaining the situation to her husband. She sees now that was a mistake.

The only visible reaction Cardan has is a flicking of the eyes towards Jude, but then he’s giving Lord Roiben an easy smile again. “I appreciate your concern for my well being.” He sounds calm, but Jude knows him well enough to see that it is just a front. “Now if you’ll excuse us, my wife and I need to address our guests.”

Jude is positive they’ll be discussing it later.

* * *

Cardan hasn’t said a word to Jude since they entered their room after several hours of hosting and conversing with guests. It’s almost dawn, and Jude is all to aware that more festivities will be going on for the next five or six nights. Hopefully she won’t be expected to attend all of them.

Jude has already been undressed by her maidens, so she sits on their bed while Cardan very obviously says nothing to her and turns pages loudly in his book. A book he probably isn’t reading. Even while angry with her he is stunning. His skin is as white as the moon that is still in the sky, and his black hair is crown all in itself. He is able to radiate royalty without even trying. Jude will always be envious of that.

She twiddles her fingers for twenty minutes before she reminds herself that she and Cardan have been through worse things. There’s no reason not to face this now so that they can move on and hopefully have wonderful makeup sex.

“Cardan?” Jude says, breaking the painful silence that had been filling the room.

His black eyes snap up and meet hers, and Jude can see the betrayal that is already swirling inside. She hates herself in that moment for being the cause of it. They hadn’t been mad at each other in so long, it was bound to happen. Cardan says nothing, but he does lean back in his chair so that his robe is open and all of him is exposed. Stupid faeries and their nonaversion to nudity or modesty.

She’s unsure if she should approach him or not while trying to fix the situation. “Cardan, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. When you came back nothing else seemed more important. And I know that’s a terrible excuse, but it’s true. I didn’t want to control you--”

“That’s how I know you’re lying,” Cardan interrupts in a terrifying calm. “You’ve always wanted to control me, don’t try denying it.”

Jude decides to get up and do something she loathes to do. She gets on her knees in front of Cardan, placing her hands on his knees and does her best begging for forgiveness face. His skin is cold to touch, but it encourages her that he doesn’t try to move away from her. She almost thinks that his immediate reaction is to reach out to her, but he doesn’t.

“You’re right. In the past I’ve controlled you when I should’ve trusted you and that was wrong. A big part of me wanted to use the harness because I could control you again. I could force you to always rule by my side and never leave me. I wanted that power.” Jude is proud of herself for keeping her voice steady. Her eyes hold his as best as possible. “But I didn’t because I knew it wouldn’t be authentic. I wanted your love freely, and I wanted to love you freely. I should’ve told you the truth about the harness a year ago, but believe me when I say it was the furthest thing from my mind after thinking I’d lost you forever.”

She can see a mental battle going on within Cardan’s mind. Several minutes go by before his shoulders sag, and he closes his eyes. “I’ve worked so hard to prove to you that you can trust me. And most of the time I think you do, but then something like this happens, and it makes me want to lash out and be cruel to you again.”

Jude takes this confession as an okay to sit on his knee and hold Cardan’s face in her hands. “I don’t make it easy to be loved. I know that.”

Cardan’s hands desperately grasp at her wrists. “Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done. Don’t say that. Maybe being with you is hard, but loving you is as necessary for me as breathing.” 

She’s not quite sure what to say to that, so she brings his face up to hers and crashes their lips together. He tastes like sweet alcohol. His tongue pushes its way into her mouth, and Jude doesn’t put up a fight. She’s done fighting Cardan tonight.

“Can I make up to you with sex?” Jude slurs into his mouth. She knows that she needs to do more for him to prove that she  _ does _ trust him, but tonight she wants to show him what he means to her. (He means everything to her.) 

The look Cardan gives her is all the answer she needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys want chapters from Cardan's point of view? I have more ideas for more chapters, but comment yours if there's anything you want to see!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loveeeeddd all your comments on the last chapter! I will definitely be taking all your suggestions and writing about them. I had this idea already in my brain and I’m not sure how I feel about how it turned out but here it is. 
> 
> If you wanna talk about books or fanfic or anything add me on my book instagram @haileyreadssometimes

Taryn is scheming. Jude knows this because after living with her twin for 17 years she knows exactly the way Taryn speaks when she is scheming. And Taryn  _ never _ requests that Jude come to her estate. When they get together it’s always at the palace. Even when Jude first met her nephew, Ronan, Taryn brought him to the palace. 

That’s how Jude ends up in front of Taryn’s estate on a horse with two of her knights because she can’t go anywhere by herself anymore. 

Any hint of Locke that was once within the land is gone. The maze that used to be so grand has been cut down and replaced by rows of flowers. The house itself is now a dark burgundy with planters outside every window. It’s what Taryn always imagined for herself growing up, minus the whole murdering her husband bit. Jude is aware Taryn is often visited by the Ghost so she doesn’t worry about her sister being lonely. 

Jude not so gracefully dismounts from her stead and communicates with her guard to wait outside while she goes to talk with her sister. She has no idea what to expect. Is she pregnant again? Has Madoc somehow snuck back into Faerie? That would be a horrible mess to deal with. 

When Jude is let into the house by an imp, she carefully enters the living room to find Taryn. Everything is quiet so Jude assumes there can’t be a huge catastrophe that requires her attention. 

Taryn is sitting on her velvet couch holding her baby swathed in a green blanket. She looks up gratefully at Jude and speaks quietly. “Thanks for coming.”

Jude still isn’t sure what’s going on, but she carefully approaches the two. “Is everything all right?” Her nephew is three months old now. His cheeks are chubby and red, but he has his father’s fox eyes and pointed ears. Hopefully he hasn’t inherited Locke’s love of sadism. 

Before Taryn even responds she’s shoving the sleeping bundle into Jude’s arms. “I need you to watch Ronan for a few days. I’ve come down with something, and I don’t want to get him sick.”

Jude is immediately suspicious of this claim. For one, Taryn looks completely normal. “Don’t you have staff here that can take care of him?”

She can tell Taryn is prepared for this question because of the devious smile on her face. “Yes, but he’s terribly attached to me so I figured he’d be more comfortable with you. We are twins after all.”

“You want me to take your baby to the palace with me? And like, take care of him?” Jude is confident in her ability to fight off faeries and other malevolent creatures. She is not confident in her ability to keep a baby alive for three days. 

“Cardan can help too. It’ll be good practice.”

Before Jude can explain that neither of them need the practice Taryn is ushering her sister out the front door. “Thank you so much, Jude, I really should go rest now. I’ll come by in two days to get him.” She kisses Jude and Ronan quickly then closes the door.

Jude doesn’t know what kind of situation she’s found herself in. There’s a sleeping baby in her arms, and too many scary possibilities ahead of her. She only hopes that Taryn had some sense to send supplies for Ronan to the palace. 

* * *

Thankfully, Ronan is still sleeping by the time Jude enters their chambers. Anytime someone tried to talk to, Jude quickly shut them down. She didn’t want to explain why she was holding a three month old that wasn’t hers. 

Apparently Taryn did have some sense because sitting on the table are various baby clothes and cloth diapers. Jude doesn’t want to have to think about having to change a baby diaper. There’s empty bottles, and Jude knows from watching Oak grow up that the kitchen can send up some kind of faerie version of formula. 

Jude is completely clueless. Being a queen and a soldier and a spy has not prepared her for taking care of a child. That thought bothers her more than she cares to admit. She cradles Ronan to her chest then immediately regrets it because he wakes up. At first it’s cute, because his eyes blink gently.

It quickly becomes uncute when he lets out a high pitched scream and tears form in his eyes. 

Jude tries to bounce Ronan up and down, but all it does is make the crying louder. “Please, please, please stop crying,” she begs. “I know I’m not mommy but I sure do look like her, right?” Despite the shrill sound of his cries, Jude found cupping the back of head to be soothing. His tawny brown hair is soft, but his skin is even softer. She tries to focus on this instead of the screaming. 

When Jude is sure she can’t take it anymore, the doors to the room open and a very confused Cardan stands between them. 

“Why are you holding a screaming baby?” he asks, looking slightly bemused. It’s very annoying, Jude thinks.

“Taryn is making us watch him for two days.” Jude is becoming desperate, and she’s sure her face reflects it because Cardan gives her a pitying look. 

Her husband gently swipes Ronan from her arms and mumbles lightly into his ear. After about a minute of this the screaming ceases and soft hiccups escape his lips. 

Jude stares at them with her mouth hanging open. “How did you  _ do _ that?”

Cardan is cradling the baby against his chest with one hand under his bottom and the other cupping the back of his head. The site makes Jude heart soar. He looks so  _ gentle _ . 

“He likes me better than you.”

Normally Jude would come up with a sarcastic retort to his comment, but all she can do is stare. Children had never crossed Jude’s mind except for Oak, but now that she’s spending time with one…

Jude shakes any thoughts like that out of her head. All she needs to focus on right now is keeping Ronan safe and happy for 48 hours. Piece of cake, right?

She goes up to the two of them, reaching out to stroke at Ronan’s arm. His skin looks more human than faerie, but she wonders if human babies’ skin is as soft. It feels like velvet. “You’re a natural,” she whispers to Cardan.

His eyes meet hers, and Jude thinks she imagines the longing in them. Longing for what? They’d never discussed having children before, and Jude isn’t sure if she’s ready for that conversation. 

He breaks away from her gaze and chuckles awkwardly. “I can’t help being good at everything.”

Jude moves her hand to Ronan’s tiny clenched fist, and she almost sheds a tear when he grabs one of her fingers. Half of his face is against Cardan’s chest, but the half Jude can see how the tiniest smile on it, and his golden eye looks like it glitters. She blames her stupid human hormones on the way it makes her feel. 

“How do we entertain him?” Cardan asks. It’s a good question. One that Jude has no idea how to answer. She’s pretty sure babies sleep, eat, and poop. 

“We’ll have to wing it I guess.”

* * *

The next day Jude and Cardan are outside, with a few of their knights trailing behind them. It took the two far more brain power than Jude cared to admit to use a spider silk scarf to wrap Ronan to Jude’s chest. Cardan had tried to take the position, but Jude was good at getting what she wanted, and what she wanted was for Ronan to like her more than Cardan. Which is why Jude had even changed Ronan’s diapers with no complaints. Her husband hadn’t put up any fight up against that.

The previous day had been filled with multiple calls to the kitchen, several cloth diaper changes, and a bathroom full of bubbles after attempting to bathe Ronan. Babies were very slippery when wet. They needed to come with a warning or something. Cardan and Jude took turns throughout the night when Ronan would wake up every few hours. In the morning, Jude had awoken to find Cardan asleep on the floor with a baby curled into his side, cupid lips slightly parted, sleeping blissfully.

If a tear or two shed from Jude’s eyes, no one needed to know about it.

The sunlight is glinting off Ronan’s hair, making it look coppery. Cardan has a hand placed on the small of Jude’s exposed back. The feel of his skin against hers, and Ronan’s cheek pressed against Jude’s chest makes her feel lighter and happier than ever.

When they enter the garden behind the palace that’s filled with tall hedges and flowing fountains, Jude shews their guard away so the three of them can be alone. She can’t remember the last time they were alone together outside their bedroom. Well, almost alone.

She takes in a deep breath, enjoying the smell of roses and leaves that mix with the air. It smells better than anything in the human world could ever smell. “Sometimes it gets so stuffy spending all day in that place. We should have council meetings outside once in a while.” 

“Good luck trying to change tradition,” Cardan says while tucking a small white bloom behind Jude’s ear. His fingertips linger underneath her ear, a soft caress that sends shivers through Jude’s spine. 

“I’ve changed thousands of years of tradition by being queen,” she responds, but there’s no bite behind it. She’s far too content to get into an argument right now. 

Cardan hooks his fingers around Jude’s wrist and leads her to a stone bench under an archway of ivy, and Jude can’t believe this is how her day is going. There’s no negotiations, or revel planning, or being measured for dresses. Ronan is staring up at her with his giant golden eyes. She hopes he’s looking at her like that because he likes her and not because she’s Taryn’s carbon copy.

“Want to change another tradition?” Cardan’s tone has shifted. His normally confident voice has a slight shake to it. 

Jude turns sideways to meet his eyes, and they bore into hers that it makes her squirm a little. “What tradition would that be?”

“The one where I take no consorts and all of our heirs come from us.” His words come out fast so Jude struggles to piece them all together but when she does…

“Cardan… Not right now.” As much as Jude loves Ronan, and the idea of a child is slightly less nauseating than it was yesterday, she knows herself too well to think she could ever be a good mother. 

“I’m not saying let’s make a baby right now, Jude, but I’m saying we’ve never talked about it before and I think we should.” His face is so full of hope that Jude hates herself for crushing it like this. “I want us to have five heirs, but not just for the sake of having heirs. I want to  _ love _ them. Why is that so bad?”

“Have you forgotten everything we’ve been through? Everything  _ I’ve  _ been through? Nothing about that suggests I’ll ever be equipped to have a child.” She glances down at at Ronan’s glowing face, trying to hold it together. “I would just screw up a kid. Just like Madoc screwed up me, and your family screwed up you.”

Her husband’s face goes dark. He no longer looks happy or hopeful. Cardan almost looks like the boy she knew when she was still just normal Jude. The boy who forced her into a river full of nixies. 

“Thank you, wife, for reminding me how fucked I am. I’m so sorry that I thought despite that, I could make a better father than I ever had. But you’re right. You’d be a terrible mother.” His eyes go to Ronan like he’s contemplating something else, but his decision is to leave Jude in the garden, staring hopelessly after him. 

They don’t talk about babies again. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully y’all enjoyed that :) leave suggestions below! Also has anyone read Serpent and Dove? Fave book right now!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cardan loves Jude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I super love this chapter and I hope you guys do too! 
> 
> Also, warning there is sex in this chapter, but it's not too detailed
> 
> insta//@haileyreadssometimes

Cardan knows he’s dreaming. He knows this because it’s the same dream he’s been having for years. It doesn’t make it any less painful.

He’s back in his bedroom at Hollow Hall. His walls are covered in books and bed draped in spider silk. It’s familiar and terrifying at the same time. There’s a book open in front of him while one of the human servants dusts his shelves with the same glazed look in her eyes that all of the humans in Hollow Hall hold. At this point he is numb to it, but that doesn’t mean he likes it. 

While he’s contemplating his next strategy to get this dull eyed human back to her world, his door opens, and Balekin walks in brandishing two swords. Also, familiar and terrifying.

Cardan knows what’s coming next. 

“Disarm me,” Balekin commands, holding out the end of one of the silver swords to Cardan.

It makes Cardan’s blood boil and muscles clench. He doesn’t  _ want _ to learn to fight. It goes against all of what he’s rebelling against. He’s seen so many get hurt all around him, that he never wants to cause anyone else unnecessary harm.

Well, physical harm at least. Goading his human classmates is another story. 

His fingers grip the end of the sword in an all too familiar way. He hates the way it looks. He hates that he’s expected to be holding it. He hates the way Balekin is looking at him, like Cardan is his prey. He supposes he is. Balekin would love to eat him alive.

“Disarm me,” his older brother says again, then goes right into his ballet like fighting motions. His sword comes down on Cardan and slices the front of his shirt open. The tip barely touches his skin, but it stings. 

Cardan blocks his next move and the one after that, but he makes no attempt to go on the offense and he knows Balekin is fuming. His brother despises that he can’t control Cardan in this way. 

Cardan parries a few more times, before Balekin seems to give up on him and disarms Cardan and holds the end of his sword to Cardan’s throat. “Why do you refuse to fight me, brother? You’re truly an embarrassment if you won’t become even a decent soldier.”

It’s supposed to upset Cardan, but he’s so used to it by now it bounces right off. Besides, compared to what is about to come it’s nothing.

The human servant that was dusting is given a whip from Balekin’s belt and commanded to unleash it on Cardan. She doesn’t flinch at all the command, only stands ready with the same unwavering emptiness on her face.

Balekin pushes Cardan to the floor then slices the back of his shirt open. Cardan knows Balekin wants him to fight back, but he refuses to give him the satisfaction. He cannot give him anything. 

Each slice across his back is another reason that Cardan hates his family. Hates the crown. Hates his brother. Another reason he drinks so much and makes company with friends who aren’t all that nice to him. Another reason he takes out his frustrations on those that have less power than him.

He doesn’t dare let any part of him show that it hurts, but underneath his closed eyes he can feel tears forming. His breath feels stuck in his chest like he can’t breathe and—

“Cardan!”

His eyes snap open and Jude leans over him, her hair tickling the edge of his cheek. There’s a concerned expression on her face which immediately wakes him up. 

Her fingers move some hair off his forehead. The feeling makes him take a shaky breath. “You sounded like you couldn’t breathe. Are you okay?” his wife asks. Her eyebrows are scrunched together in worry.

Cardan reaches up and pulls Jude’s face against his neck. He breathes her in, trying to bring himself back to reality. Balekin is dead. He’s in bed with the love of his life. He’s free. Jude smells like cinnamon and leaves. 

“Even when dead, my family won’t let me rest,” he mumbles against her skin. He loves the way she feels when he touches her. Her skin is always so warm. It’s the color of gold. She feels so alive. Maybe it’s because she’s human. Cardan loves it.

Jude sighs in understanding, her breath hot on his neck. “I understand. I have nightmares, too.”

Of course she does. Cardan knows this because Jude talks in her sleep all the time. He hears her beg for her life. He hears her whisper “I’m sorry” even though he’s not sure who she’s talking to. He hasn’t asked. If Jude wants to tell him she will, and he knows she always tries to look brave so he lets her. 

“It’s nothing. You’ve been through much worse,” he says, attempting to change the subject off of him.

“We don’t need to compare what we’ve been through, Cardan.” Jude pulls back so their eyes meet. The way she looks at him makes Cardan wonder what he’s ever done to deserve someone as mind numbingly wonderful as this human. This annoying, stubborn, beautiful human. “You can talk to me.”

He closes his eyes to avoid her intense gaze. It’ll break him before any of the memories. “You know Balekin wasn’t exactly kind to me. Sometimes I dream about it.” It’s been almost two years since the last time he was whipped, but sometimes his back stings like it was seconds ago. He winces now like it was. 

Although he can’t see, Cardan feels Jude’s arm fall across his bare torso. It sends tingles through him. “I wish I knew how to make the dreams stop.” Her fingers dance along his hip bones. “But they just make me all the more grateful to be where I am now.” 

“You’re my reward for everything Balekin did to me. It’s the only logical explanation.” He opens one eye in time to see Jude rolling hers. A simple gesture that only makes Cardan love her more. 

“Maybe, just maybe, our pasts don’t determine anything that happens to us, and I’m here because I want to be. I’m nobody’s reward.”

Leave it to Jude to turn Cardan trying to be cute into some esteem filled rhetoric. She was very much impossible. “You’re infuriating. Why am I here again?” Without even looking, he pulls Jude’s face to his and smashes their lips together. Kissing Jude is probably Cardan’s favorite thing in the world. He’s kissed many faeries in his life. Even some mermaids and maybe some other creatures he's not too proud of, but none of them compare to Jude. He has a feeling it’s a Jude thing and not a human thing. Even though she has what she calls “morning breath” right now, Cardan couldn’t care less. He’s kissing Jude, and he loves it. Their lips slot together like they were made to only fit each other. 

“You’re trying to distract me from talking about your feelings,” Jude says. 

“Is it working?”

“Yes.” She sounds annoyed, but her lips barely leave his. Her hands are gripping his arms while he cups her face. 

He slides one hand down to run along her upper arm. One of his favorite things about Jude is the way he body is shaped by muscle. Almost all of the women he’s ever associated with are skinny and shapeless. Jude is not. Her shoulder curves where it meets her arm, and Cardan knows she could throw him with that arm. He would let her do anything to him with that arm. Or any part of her. She’s  _ hot _ . She’s the moon: bright and beautiful and larger than life. He wishes he could be her sun.

“Cardan,” she huffs, pushing him away forcefully. “As much as I want to do… you, we should talk about these things.”

“If we talked about it every time it happened we’d be talking about it almost every day.” He sighs when he sees that she’s not going to let this go. “You know pretty much everything, Jude. My mother wasn’t very attentive, my father could care less about another son, Balekin was my closest family member and you know how that went.” His hand finds hers and squeezes. “As terrible as we made each other, Locke, Nicasia, and Valerian pretty much were my family.”

It doesn’t change the way Jude is looking at him. If anything, she looks more understanding. “I know Nicasia cared about you. She’s proved as much. I’m glad you had them. Really.” She leans back down and presses a kiss in between Cardan’s eyes. “You have me now.” 

“I know.” He grabs his wife by the hips and settles her on top of him. Her hair is a canopy around her face. He could spend forever running his fingers through it. All his life he was practically taught to view humans as drab and boring, but he could never see Jude that way. Her fierceness is evident in the way her eyes watch the world, but the softness of her lips contrasts it. Cardan really commends himself for being able to not stare at her every second of his life, because he happily could. He doesn’t need faerie fruit to be drugged by Jude.

The sheer shift she’s wearing comes easily off, and Cardan runs his hands over her curves. It drives him absolutely fucking crazy. He adores the shape of her hips, and the muscle on her stomach. He loves her scars, because they’re hers, but he hates the people who gave them to her. His thumbs glide underneath her breasts. Her skin here is softer than anywhere else, untouched by most of life’s roughness. He suppresses a moan when Jude pushes herself against him. 

Cardan discards the pants he was wearing (Jude doesn’t allow him to sleep naked most of the time) so that all of his skin can be touching her. He could use every word in the English language to tell Jude how much he loves her, how much he  _ needs _ her, but he wants to show her.

He moves so that her back is on the bed, and his head between her thighs. He loves the way he can make her lose herself. Cardan’s mouth presses into her while her calves dangles over his back. Noises of pleasure escape Jude, and Cardan can tell she’s arching her back by the way she’s pushing herself onto his face. He uses one of his hands to help and soon Jude is practically writhing on the bed. Most of the time Jude is making him squirm, so he loves when he can do the same. 

“Cardan,” she whines. It turns Cardan on more than he already was, which really should be impossible. “Please.”

He allows himself to tease her with his mouth for a while longer before moving his mouth to hers and pushing himself into her. He’s too distracted by the way it makes him feel to notice the groan that comes from Jude.

They’re one, and Cardan loves every second of it. Today they’re slow and deep and full of passion. Their movements have combined, their heartbeats sync. Cardan whispers to Jude about how much he loves her, and Jude is too gone to reciprocate the thoughts. He knows how she feels though. Humans may be able to lie with their mouths, but he knows she doesn’t lie when they do this.

Cardan rolls off of her when they’re done, catching his breath. Their shoulders are touching, and she feels wet. He knows it’s sweat, one of the many differences between them. He also knows that she’s embarrassed by it, but he loves it. It’s a physical reaction to what they had just shared.

Jude’s hand grasps at his. Her palm is clammy. “I love you, Cardan,” she says softly, still catching her breath.

“I love you, too, Jude,” he responds, and the words will never be enough, but he’ll say them everyday until they are. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, leave suggestions and comments down below! They really do motivate me to write! I should do a chapter on how many people/times Cardan can call Jude "my wife" to. He loves to say it.

**Author's Note:**

> Not super used to writing in present tense so forgive me if there are tense errors! Please comment if you want more moments!


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